Notes from Previous Renderings:

“We live in an age where retrospect is something we cherish, if not, obsess over. The days of our past inform our future. Some regard this past in reverie, sharing their experiences with new loved ones and old. Some live in this retrospect, stuck behind their fears of moving past their experiences, the fear of forgetting their has-beens. These individuals lack the wherewithal necessary to living a progressive, healthy life.”

“We open ON BLACK with ambient lake noise. The sound of water current. Waves lap the shore. Birds go caw. Ducks go quack. Fish go blub. (And the seal goes oww oww oww / but there’s one sound / that no one knooooooooows … / what does the fox say!?). The swoosh of breezes. BLACKNESS FADES to our opening image and the symbol of our subsequent narrative: Evi floating atop an inner-tube on a body of water. She’s awakens, we PULL BACK to reveal that she’s a long distance from the shore on this great mass of water.

Waking up somewhere you don’t belong and not knowing how time passed so quickly is like floating on a tube in the ocean, taking a nap and letting the current pull you out to sea. You can use this metaphor in your script.

The idea that you’ve lost control of yourself … you don’t own yourself or that you’re governed by some idea of yourself that has taken control … no longer being in control of one’s self … the idea that you can fall asleep and end up in another place without her knowing how you got to be where you are is exactly the idea of forgetting yourself.

The definition of this image is simple: you’re stuck on an inner tube on top of a large body of water. You can swim to shore and change your fate, you can fall through the middle and remove yourself from the docket, or you can remain a product of your condition atop the inner tube and allow your situation to dictate the remainder of your stay away from salvation.”

Untitled Maine Feature Log-line:

A woman catches up to her past.
Movie’s about how memories fade

Why them and not me? Remorse

Adam and Eve? Spun new?

- The story (short film) recounts the night that the Protag’s friend dies in the lake.

Reference: Blue Velvet

Scene #1

Summary -

Protag VO on black, she’s on phone talking to her mom, cut to WS of beach cut to in water with vomit girl cut to WS of beach post drowning cut to protag in cabin finishing conversation on phone, hangs up and turns off light as she’s heading to bed

Scene 1 - Shots:


W.S. - Camera is high up, looking down at the beach from a good distance.

The person in the water sinks, leaving a ripple in their wake

Camera shouldered, but maintains frame.

Start the VO?


F.S. - A high school senior (girl) vomiting under water.

The water is dark, dark blue. We see her face. Light in water, we see her body. But behind her, dark. A dark blue. And refracted in the water, neon pink lights from a string of lights tied from one tree to another spanning across the beach

The vomit is dark brown and light brown, lighter in the lit water. The water that is light or out in from today the girl fills with vomit and some of that vomit is getting push into the dark parts of the water

She heaves once and beigns to also take in water, breathe it in

She heaves four more times. The heaves of vomit begin to cease but her body continues to heave. More and more until she drowns, eyes open and sinking into that dark blue, and we stay in the vomit filled water, in the water

The camera never moves but to follow the girl vomiting and when the girl dies, the camera stays put and the girl floats off screen

The girl drowning is fading like a memory; face and body lit underwater, still murky, and all around her is an opaque dark blue and black; she’s inside a frame.

Camera under water, frame rate cranked.


W.S. - Camera is high up, looking down at the beach from a good distance.

And the next shot is from afar and up high looking down at the beach and water, same setup as the opening shot. We see the ripple of the woman’s wake (from her thrashing, heaving). We see the beach, the stringing lights, the trees, the nature on both sides, the beach a ‘U’ shape

The water is dark, dark dark blue out there is the distance, lighter toward shore


Camera to the right of and desk lamp, high angle; side profile on phone and the better part of house

Conversation she has on phone should summarize film in some way to have it have such an impact

hangs up the phone - it’s a corded phone on a wall

Protag turns off the desk lamp.


The music comes forward when we cut to the camp where our protagonist is having a telephone conversation

Scene #2

Summary -

Protag is at college. She’s packing up her car, end of her freshman year.

Scene 2 - Shots:

Scene #100

Final Scene


Protagonist walking between the camps to the one with the big house

While we’re walking with her we’re on the left side of her face, opposite of earlier in the film

Protagonist (floating in lake on tube) falls through and never resurfaces. Water settles.


Scene Final - Shots:


She unplugs the lights, the beach looks similar to the opening, but it isn’t.

It’s day time. The light and exposure through the camera will highlight the ugly truth that is the protagonist spinning out of control.

We’re up on her with the camera, medium closeup to closeup, stumbling through the woods with her, passing one residency to the other.

We bend with her when she drags the float tube into the water.

And we stop we she plops in and push out into the lake. We move backwards as she moves further into the lake.

And we, the camera and the audience become a mirror for both the protagonist and the story. And with that mirror, the camera’s lens, We show the protagonist’s true identity, the truth of her ugliness. The same truth that her best friend possessed, and terrible ugliness.

And we cut to the high angle from the beginning, the first shot of the film, accept now it’s daylight and we can truly see the ugliness inside.

and the high angle camera then becomes not a looking down in pity but a strong negative judgment on that character, the way she now sees and feels about herself ….. and we watch her sink from the tube and into the lake to not return.

How awful you are. You hold that guilt untruthfully.

You killed you best friend. yes you did, you fucking killed your best friend. You murdered your best friend the only way you knew how or had the guts to.

you poisoned her with her vice.

Scene #???

it’s night and we’re in the cabin with the protagnist. The best friend is drunk, swimming. we see the protagonist having the same conversation she had in the beginning. and we, the audience, think that it’s happening again. The best friend is going to die and the protagonist turns off the light.

however, now we stay with the protagonist and follow her outside.

and here we traveling at night with her the same shot that we’ll use at the end of the film.

The protagonist travels from one camp to the other, the camera on her (medium closeup to closeuup) until we come onto the other beach and rightly don’t see the best friend in the water, but we see a wake where a body could have made a wake.

And then, the best friend is on the other camps patio and calling the best friend up to check out the vacant camp.

we’re on the right side of her face when we’re waling with her ffrom one camp to the other. And on the right sdie of her face when she’s looking at the wake in the lake. and the right side of her face when her friend calls from the other camp’s patio. protag turns and so do we, as if both the protagonist and the audience look up in amazement that the best friend isn’t dead

and this is either at the end of the first third of the story or at the climax, and then something new will happen.

The importance of this scene is to show the similarities to the first scene and set up how similar they are and how “this could be when her best friend dies” sort of feeling, you know?

this def happens at the end of the first third of the film

WS with high angle on woman floating the water (same distance from subject as first shot)
FS of protag in camp talking on the phone
protag hangs up the phone and turns off the light, but we follow her now to the other camp

Scene #???

Protagonist and best friend see bring two freshman in high school girls to the vacant camp —- probably younger, as if he brought them to that camp after soccer practice and the two ten year old girls are in their soccer uniforms.

best friend’s father drives a mini van, blue silver color

We’re on the beach looking up at the camp
The father is in the kitchen with the two girls.

he’s made them both sandwiches and is leaning over the kitchen island and talking to the girls

We go inside to hear them better and really guage their manerisms.

And then one of the girls ask what’s in the sandwich. The father pulls back and winds up his potsure and smiles

And then we’re back outside, and the light inside the window changes as if someone were hitting dimmers. it’s now white hot white, neon orange and black in the window

And the father start singing about how her made the sandwiches and he begins to undress the sandwiches.

and he sings.

Once he finishes the room returns to the way it was before …

And we’re outside with the protagnois tand the best friend is now gone

Scene #????

Protagonist picks up the phone. It’s the best friend on the line. The best friend say’s after a long pause, “Come out and play.”

Soft and slow, but not a whisper. it’s enticing, soul gripping

Scene #????

Protagonist getting used to her new life back home, meeting her new co-workers (other real estate agents) all before her first showing

Notes from Bud:

Two worlds combining at the beginning. It’s our protagonist that’s drowning in the lake, her best friend how died at an early age as a child. At the beginning we are seeing the protagonist in two worlds: drowning, as in the first shot and the in the camp, as later in the scene.

What’s beneath the lake water surface is future and past, and what’s above it is present